Pregnancy is one thing but postpartum is a whole new ballgame.. The great thing about pregnancy is that THE BABY IS CONTAINED! What I found most difficult about my postpartum experience was having to care for both myself and for Kobe. When I was pregnant I saw so many mommy bloggers looking flawless with their newborns. They had perfectly posed pictures with their hair/makeup done, sitting in a gorgeous nursery, making breastfeeding look so simple. I had no idea that would be pushed in a wheel chair to our car when leaving the hospital because I had a limp or that I would be prescribed laxatives. This may not be an easy read (especially if you’re pregnant. Sorry future mamas.) but I do feel it’s important to be transparent about what postpartum is truly like.
*Disclaimer- no two experiences are the same. Just because I’ve experienced something, doesn’t mean everyone will!
Okay let’s get to the tea!
- You will be in pain. Pain? After childbirth? Yes you read that correctly. What will differ is the amount of pain you will be in but most women (regardless of vaginal/c-section) report being in pain for at least a few days and even up to a few weeks after birth. I tore terribly while in labor. So badly that my gyno usually sees patients 6 weeks after birth but had to see me 5 days after birth to check on my stitches/restitch me. I had problems getting in and out of the car and even getting onto my bed. My husband had to stack a ton of blankets/towels just for me to get into bed (we’re too cheap to buy a step stool, lol.) This discomfort lasted for about 6 weeks. Along with being in pain there, I had no clue that contractions don’t stop after you give birth. Yes, another wild thing you read correctly. Your uterus still needs to shrink back to its og size and that process can take up to 4-6 weeks. Breastfeeding causes your body to release a hormone called oxytocin which causes contractions to help shrink back your uterus. I still remember sitting on the couch breastfeeding my daughter and hysterically bawling because the contractions hurt so freaking much. The contractions reminded me so vividly of my birthing experience which was horrifying.
- You will freak out about what you’re baby is eating whether it be formula or breast milk. I’ll share more later on about my experience with feeding Kobe but long story short- it took me a week to produce breast milk (that’s a bit longer than most women) and at one point I low key gave up and was convinced that Kobe was going to be a formula fed gal. For the first week I fed her formula but after my milk came in I exclusively breastfed her. Breastfeeding did not come natural to me at all. If anything, at first it felt like the most unnatural thing. Having nurses (AKA COMPLETE STRANGERS) come into my room every 2 hours and asking me to take my top off for them and feed my baby didn’t make it any better. What stressed me out a lot about formula was the cost. With formula feeding comes having to buy formula, bottles, bottle sterilizers and so forth. I’ve also heard stories of babies not taking to a certain bottle well so their parents would spend tons of money and time trying to find a bottle their baby would like.
- Along with food you will freak out about a ton of other things. Is she warm enough? Is she too warm? Why is she breathing like that? Will she die in her sleep? (Hey, I know that sounds really dramatic but it’s a genuine and realistic concern.) How long will I keep bleeding for? When I will return to work? How do I claim my benefits/maternity leave? (SO. MUCH. PAPERWORK.) How do I get a breast pump? Holy sh*t, why are they so expensive? The list is endless!
- (Not everyone) but most will still look pregnant. Don’t put that maternity clothes in storage quite yet.. I definitely wore my maternity clothes for about 3 months after giving birth! It’s very normal to have a protruding stomach after birth. Like I said before, the uterus is till shrinking back to it’s normal size. I gained 50 pounds when I was pregnant which probably didn’t help. I only gave birth to a baby and not pizza, boba, tacos, pasta and everything else I ate. Haha. I still remember seeing my stomach after giving birth and feeling so disappointed. I was so ashamed of my body/looks that I opted to not be in my daughters newborn photos which is something I regret now! For about a month after giving birth I looked about 4 months pregnant. My stomach eventually shrank back but still, looking pregnant after giving birth was not something I was prepared for. Ladies, love yourself. Our bodies are amazing, strong, capable and so much more. We are more than our looks and it’s time we stop measuring ourselves by that. I used to struggle with bulimia and had terribly warped body image. I fully worked through it years ago. To my surprise, surviving an eating disorder actually helped me a ton with appreciate and loving my postpartum body.
- You will lose sleep. Newborn babies need to be fed every 2-4 hours. That does not magically stop from 9pm-7am. That’s about the time I would sleep prior to giving birth. I LOVE sleeping early, something I won’t be able to do for years, lol. I lost sleep when Kobe was a newborn for a variety of reasons. The first being having to breastfeed her. A benefit of bottle feeding is that anyone can do it. Since I exclusively breastfed her, my husband couldn’t take over during any of the feedings. It was all me. Second reason is because I was so anxious. Even though I was EXHAUSTED at times I had difficulty sleeping. I would think about things like Kobe’s well being, my own well being, if I was going to be a good mom the list goes on and on. The third reason that kept me up was the fact that I knew my husband would be PCSing in just a few months. I was an emotional wreck thinking about him leaving. I had a hard enough time being at home all day without him so thinking about us living apart for 3 years was just beyond me. My fourth and final reason for losing tons of sleep when Kobe was a newborn is because we were in escrow (to buy a condo!) We went into escrow a few days before giving birth so when Kobe went to sleep that was my opportunity to respond to our realtor, loan officer, escrow agent, review documents, look at home insurance, research moving companies, etc.
- You’ll lose friends too.. 🙁 On the bright side, I’ve definitely made some amazing, life long friends along the way. But honestly, having a baby made me realize who my true friends are. I am so grateful for all of the genuine, caring people in my life. Shoutout to all 3 of you. Just kidding, there are way more! I don’t know if it’s due to the fact that I’ma young mom and the people who were my friends cannot quite relate to what I’m experiencing but people just completely stopped hitting me up. (Which is fine, their loss anyways!) I gave birth in October of 2017 and in November I saw someone who I considered one of my best friends post on social media that she was or was going to be coming back home. (A lot of my friends went to the mainland for college.) I texted her and asked when she was coming home only to have her respond saying she has been here for almost a week. At first I thought I was being dramatic by feeling hurt about that but I thought about it and realized that someone who wants to spend time with me would tell me that they’re coming back home. I’m not a mind reader, how am I supposed to know where they’re at? My cousin (who is also my bff) lives in Hawai’i too told me that one of her best friends goes to school on the mainland but ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS tells her when he’s coming home and makes her a priority. Hearing that confirmed that I wasn’t being dramatic (lol) and that someone who wants to see me, will let me know when they’re here. A lot of people who went to my high school go on to four year universities. If you do something other than that (even if you don’t marry your best friend and start a family) people can be judgmental and say really mean things. I think it’s really lame like honestly, find something better to do. It can be a weird reality to face that people you thought cared about you actually don’t but hey, that’s life. Having Kobe has taught me to appreciate the good people and hold them close!
- Strangers aren’t as nice. When I was pregnant strangers would always hold the door open for me. Although I was nauseas and puked every single day until I gave birth, I was still physically capable of getting the door for myself but still thought it was such a kind gesture. I was shocked at how few people held the door open for me once I actually had Kobe. I didn’t expect it at all but hey it doesn’t hurt and I was starting to get used to it since it happened all the time when I was pregnant. Juggling a baby, stroller, bag and more is actually so much more difficult that it looks. Especially in the beginning. If you see a mom or dad, please hold the door open for them! When I was pregnant restaurants would give me free food all the time, or our servers would say things like “You must be hungry. I’ll tell them to make the food quickly.” Just like having my door held open these were not things I expected at all but they were much appreciated! When I went out to to eat with Kobe, I got no acknowledgment at all. Believe it or not, I actually had a bigger appetite after giving birth and I blame it all on breastfeeding. You still need to eat for two! Breastfeeding can burn up to 600 calories a day so eat up! Society definitely treats pregnant women differently from new moms. No hate, it’s just my personal observation.
- It’ll hurt to pee/poop. This was something I had absolutely no idea about. I cried during my first post-birth poop. Your first poop after baby will hurt for a variety of reasons- dehydration, pain medicine,not taking stool softeners and being swollen. I can honestly say that pooping is almost as bad as giving birth. Peeing was terrible too, mainly from the stitches. I wanted to avoid it but since I was drinking so much water to produce breast milk, I had to pee constantly. At the hospital they give you numbing spray. Take that stuff home and spray away.
- You will google something every 20 minutes. If only I could somehow pull up my google search history from Kobe’s first few months.. How much milk should a newborn be drinking? When can babies sit up? How do you burp a baby? Is it normal for…? What do I really need? Best diaper brands? Is it safe for my baby to…? How do you use a baby carrier? Why won’t my baby stop crying? Similar to my list of things I was anxious about.. it’s endless!
- It’s okay to ask for help! Postpartum is an absolutely wild experience. I experienced high highs and low lows. I read an article the other day that stated women need more emotional support during their journey of motherhood. I agree with that statement 100%. Like many women women, I found myself afraid to talk to others and ask for help. Let’s end the stigma of moms putting on a brave face. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to not be okay. Reach out for help, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen.